You are beautiful and intelligent and funny. You brighten my days and make me want to be a better person.
You are not perfect (who is?) but you can break my heart with a smile as much as with angry words and hurtful actions.
You are magical and wonderful and terrible and I love you so much.
If I ever made you feel small, I am sorry. I have been made to feel that way and I know how much it hurts.
If I ever made you feel stupid, I didn't mean to. Sometimes my impatience with my own inadequacies makes me harsh with you when I see you making the same mistakes as I have, over and over again.
I cannot promise that I will always be there. I cannot promise that I will not make mistakes. I cannot promise that I will never hurt you with my words or actions. I cannot promise that I will always understand.
I do promise you that I will try my very best not to hurt you. I promise that I will always admit to you when I've got something wrong and that I will apologise. I promise to do my best to give you the tools you need to be happy, healthy and productive.
I promise I will love you always, no matter what.
2 comments:
Alom Shaha is right - this is a beautiful letter. I almost fell off my chair when my mother said to me in a phone call (about 20 years after the American troop withdrawal), 'We were wrong about the war in Vietnam.' Oh the fights at the dinner table when they discovered I'd been to yet another anti-war protest. Oh the nasty things that were said about Cassius Clay when he resisted being drafted. Oh how nice it would have been if my parents could have admitted of the possibility that they didn't know it all merely because they were 30 years my senior.
I think being able to view - and truly accept - your parents as human and yet continue to love them is a hugely necessary and oddly neglected part of the separation and individuation process. In my experience, the parents who are able to make the transition from protector/controller/dictator/arbiter role to truly like their children as friends and enjoy their company as people are the ones who do it best. You're obviously well on your way to that goal. :)
Thank you Ruth, both for taking the time to comment and for the thoughtful content.
I totally agree with you about the necessity of realising your parents are only human and being able to forgive them for that.
I hope my kids can forgive me for all the mistakes I have yet to make with them. And I know there will be many, but hopefully they'll see even the mistakes are made with love ;)
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