Ring out the old...

I don't normally make New Year's resolutions. I find it difficult enough to manage things day to day, without trying to plan ahead. But this year feels different somehow.

So, my resolutions for 2012 are:

1. To be kinder to myself.
2. To spend more time with those people I love and who make me happy.
3. To eat less and exercise more.
4. To do something creative every day (even if it takes weeks or months to complete).
5. To "recycle" my possessions so that I only have what I love or need.
6. To get my home to a state where I am not ashamed to invite people over and then extend invitations so that I can grow in confidence and so that my children can get used to socialising & find ways to cope with meeting new people.
7. To help my children become more independent (this is the one that scares me most, and also the most important).
8. To do everything in my power to make life a little bit better for those around me, even if all I can manage is a smile & a kind word.

Here's to new starts, old friends and warm hearts. May 2012 bring everything you need to make you happy, healthy and productive.

"Time to die"

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die. 

I watched this film, "Until"  by Barry J Gibb, after Alom Shaha linked to it and was so happy to see such an important subject discussed so beautifully, as well as amazed at the insight shown by the children featured.

It's a conversation we don't have enough. And not talking, or avoiding thinking about something that makes us uncomfortable just makes it scarier.

I am not scared of  ageing, I am scared of pain & infirmity. 

I am not scared of dying, I am scared of living too long & losing my lust for life.

When the time comes that I can no longer create new memories, enjoy a book, film or a conversation over a cup of tea and a cake, then I feel it will have become time to go and trust that I have made enough of a positive impact on those I have met in life that I live on for a long time in their memories.

I don't want to die. I don't think I will want to die when the time comes (unless I have no quality of life). But I recognise that death is a part of life and not something to be feared or dreaded in and of itself. I feel this way, not because I believe in any kind of afterlife or reincarnation (recycling into my basic elements-yes, reincarnation-no) but because I believe that there is a time for everything and everyone. And that if we are greedy and try to take more than is allotted to us, it's as destructive to others as any other type of greed.
After all, who wants to live forever?

"But touch my tears with your lips,  Touch my world with your fingertips

 And we can have forever, And we can love forever, Forever is our today."